Why Do I Quit?

I’m inspired!  Off and running! Excited for a new challenge…focused, working hard, succeeding.  Then I remember….wait a minute….I had a blog…..I had fun writing….what happened?  Why did I stop?  Where is my old blog?  Does it still exist in cyber past? Do I remember the password?  Why did I quit?

As I move onto a new project, I remember the old projects.  How I was inspired and eager, and worked hard back then.  “Honey?”, I ask my husband, “Why did I quit?”  He was hesitant to say….and I was eager to hear.  I need to know!  Why did I quit?

All people quit.  There are things when we look back on our lives that we quit, and it’s good that we quit…a bad relationship that was toxic, a bad job that had no future, or an event that was headed down a destructive path.  But what of the good things we quit?  Did we quit too soon?  Did we not view our status as successful enough?  Not willing to see the journey through due to fear of eventual failure?

Self-reflection is not easy….for anyone.  Especially when we look back on decisions that we don’t understand why we made.  But there are a few decisions I made, that I know exactly why I quit.

An early memory was when I was in 5th grade, in my marching band class, at school.  I was really good at playing the accordion.  I was playing and attending music festivals, winning trophies, and even made a record (single 45 back then).  I was being successful but unfortunately one day in class, my music teacher made fun of the accordion, because it couldn’t be marched with, like the instruments that she taught.  So I quit playing the accordion.  I should not have quit.

In high school I remember quitting the softball team.  I had tried out, and was placed on the Junior Varsity team (I was only a 9th grader).  At the time, I thought I belonged on the varsity team.  So I quit the team.  I should not have quit

And possibly the most future changing decision I made, was to not apply to medical graduate school.  Not because I didn’t want to pursue that career, but because I didn’t want to receive rejection letter after rejection letter from medical schools telling me I wasn’t good enough.  I should have tried.

These three events all display a common theme.  Each time, I felt the decision to quit will help me be safe.  Not from physical harm, but emotional/psychological harm.  The pain that I experienced of being made fun of, not achieving the highest rank, or being rejected, was just too much for me to face.  So I quit.

These are all negative things that I experienced.  Were there positive things that I experienced, but also quit?  Yes!  Definitely!

The first one that comes to mind is my love for dance.  I loved dancing, and I especially enjoyed dancing in my cultural dance troupe.  We would travel, perform, be appreciated, receive accolades…I loved it!  People I met, friendships that blossomed and a sense of pride that went along with being proud of my heritage.  Why did I quit?

Another one that I am quickly reminded of is playing guitar.  I began teaching myself at 11 years old, after my mom showed me her guitar and said I can play it.  Everyday I would practice in my room.  I would find music that I loved to sing, and play the guitar to accompany myself.  I would write songs, record songs (on a cassette tape recorder), or listen to songs and try to figure out how to play it.  I would perform at the scout campfires, eventually formed a band, and played locally at festivals and events.  Why did I quit?

But the one that triggered this article, is this blog.  I started it in 2013.  I enjoyed writing my thoughts, learn about other people who blogged and how to blog better (become more tech savvy).  When I rediscovered the blog, and looked at my statistics, I have followers, views and other analytics that showed my blog was becoming active. So…why did I quit?

I kept encouraging my husband to tell me, why did I quit this blog?  He said, “I don’t want to sound mean, but you have a tendency to move onto the next things quickly without really giving what you are doing a chance at success”….or I don’t want to experience the failure.  Once again, the common theme is:  in my mind I hit a level of proficiency and don’t think what I am doing is very successful.  I get quickly discouraged, and move on to lessen the disappointment.  In other words…I quit.

I have learned from my daughter this interesting acronym: F.A.I.L. (she used it as a password when she was in school), and when she told me her password, I was mortified she would use that as a school password.  She said “Mom, it stands for First Attempt In Learning”.  Brilliant!

This year, as I started a new adventure (as I always seem to do), I have decided two things:

1. My New Year’s resolution is:  Keep trying….and with that, I can not quit anything!
2. To start up this blog again.

This blog was and now is again, my chance to sharing thoughts, inspiration and motivation, for myself, and possibly others. And this time…I won’t quit.

 

Take a look at my new adventure too:

Educator’s Homestead My TeachersPayTeachers store for resources based on 25+ years of experience in the education field

My Youtube channel Educator’s Homestead.  This video is how to make a worm bin for your classroom.